Michelle Britton

It has been a difficult week struggling with the reality that there maybe something more wrong with me then just my age. We were thinking this process would be easy – one round and we are pregnant. This is just a technical difficulty due to a hasty decision to get a vasectomy – we got this nailed. Besides, the women in my family smell sperm a mile away and get pregnant!

Today, we met with the doctor. The news is still very positive, we have exceptional embryo’s, especially at my age.  This leads him to conclude a couple of options: a) We were just beaten by the odds or b) I have an over active immune system that is not allowing the embryo’s to implant.

With eight frozen embryo’s, the decision is made that this round will be a frozen embryo transfer (FET) which will be much easier on my body. There will be no fertility drugs, but I will be taking the estrogen and progesterone to prepare. As you recall from my previous blog, this is where crap gets messy. Finally, they will introduce a steroid and a blood thinner to ensure my immune system gives these embryo’s a fighting chance.

I leave the doctor’s office armed with literature on the FET process and a requisition for a few more tests. I feel great, like we keep hitting snooze on my biological clock.

The wait is over – today I  wake up early and go to the lab for a blood test. I plan to be the first person there. I get up a 7:30 am to be there for 8 am. To my surprise the place is packed with more grey hairs then seniors day at the grocery store. I take a number and try to wait patiently for my turn. These 12 days have been so hard and I just want the results. My turn comes and the blood is drawn. In my anxisous state I ask how long to process and fax the results over to my doctor. The lady tells me that the van to take the samples to the main lab for processing does not even arrive until 10 am – so it will be late afternoon until I get my results.

When I get home I relay these details to Dirk. He wants me to call the centre to ensure they call us stat with the results – the clinical coordinator promises she will. It is 12:30 pm when the call comes – she is sorry to report that the results are negative. This time I know better then to question the results. There is no need to pee on the stick to confirm.

BFN – Big Fat Negative.

During the IVF process – I have discovered many things about my body that I think I should have already known – but it is not until you are deeply entwined in the process that you realize how much of an idiot you are about how the girl parts work.

After the multitude of shots to suppress ovulation, stimulate follicle growth, and drop mature eggs – your ovaries are really not working just yet. So, prior to embryo transfer, you will need to simulate two hormones, estrogen and progesterone. Estrogen helps maintain the endometrial lining of the uterus, while progesterone prepares the lining for implantation of a fertilized egg.

Estrace pills are taken three times a day to ensure estrogen levels are being maintained. But the prometrium, that mimics the progesterone, is required to be taken inter-vaginally every eight hours.

Now, we have all had to insert a tampon or two in our day, so we are all familiar with the area and the concept. Put a pill on the end of your finger and push it in as far as you can.  But hold on, no body told me there is going to be discharge that ends up yucking up the panties.

I started by wearing pantie liners – but this lead to a bad diaper rash. Great, not only am I impatient with the 12 day wait and have this stupid discharge, but I am now itchy and sore.

As many of you know, Dirk and I are trying to have a baby. Dirk has been keeping the masses update via his blog on our IVF process, but I thought it was time for me to express my thoughts.

Our first transfer – I felt nothing. No sore boobs. No cramping. No anything. The outcome was negative, we were not pregnant. I am in shock – I do not believe the doctor – I question him like a idiot. Are you sure?  Yes. What is my hCG? Zero. Just in case you are wondering – hCG (the hormone Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) is produced during pregnancy and in the first weeks is usually between 5 – 426 mIU/ml, doubling every 48 hours. So zero is not a good number.

With our second transfer, I feel different. I have had sore boobs for about a week now. Several days I have had cramping – almost like I am going to get my period. I have had a headache now for 4 days. There are waves of nausea. And the topper, I was watching ‘Meet the Fockers’ and got teary – this is a comedy folks!!

Now I wonder, is this in my head? Am I making them up? Are these just signs of my period and that again this did not work?

I go to get a new toothbrush today and came home with a pregnancy test. I put it away and hope that I can make it until Monday before losing my mind. Patience.