Me: Hi Mom, how is everything going with Mya?

Mom: Good, she has been enjoying running from the front door to the back door barking at the passing neighbours.

Me: Yes, you definitely feel safe when she is in the house.

Mom: I know, I opened the front door on purpose so she could bark at the mail lady, she is a real bitch. I was in the my bedroom when she walked up the front step. She barely had the mail in the box when Mya started to bark, scared the shit right out of her. I was in the bedroom just killing myself laughing.

Me: Huh?

At this point I hung up and ran into the hotel bathroom to tell Dirk the story. That prompted a follow up phone call later, as we could still not understand how she came to hate the mail lady. We had questions; Did the mail lady fold her mail? Did she get the mail wet one too many times? We rarely see our mail lady, so how did this happen. Here is the condensed version of why…….she walks on my mom’s lawn.

I do have one funny story to share. While getting the little guy ready for bed, Dirk was having slight troubles with the pj’s. Upon my observation, I noted that he was trying to ram his toes into the heel of the pj’s. “You have the pj’s backwards” I state. Dirk then flipped the kid over.

The wedding was a resounding success, both in that a legal union was formed, and that everyone had fun while it did. It’s a shame you can’t get married every year. What a good time. So many of your very favorite people in one place to have a big party, and a big party in which you are the guest of honor. Good food, tender sentiments, love, laughter, and drunken late night dancing. It’s a concoction I’d like to cook up more often.

I was most pleased about a few things:

Everyone had a good time. You are, after all, throwing an expensive party for your loved ones. You want them to have a good time. Thanks and congratulations are expected, but the frequency and fervency of those expressed to me assured me that everyone did indeed have fun.

I wanted a good group hanging in until the very end of the wedding. Getting drinks in bulk at last call. Calling cabs as the staff is turning up the lights and shoving you out the door. Mission accomplished.

The vows were singled out by many as a favorite part of the day. That makes both of us happy. We were a little nervous about the idea of writing our own. We had decided that Michelle would go first to reduce her chances of crying. Even as we came to that arrangement I knew I was doomed to be the one that would struggle. Although I did not disappoint in that area I am please that I managed to get a laugh out of the crowd and make almost every woman cry. The crying was not that hard, but it’s not easy to work a laugh into your wedding vows.

We had a room filled with so many great people who we love for different reasons. Some of whom know one another, but really a lot of islands of people with no specific connection to one another except for Michelle and I. I really hoped to mix those spheres of people up and have some of our groups of friends recognize the beauty in the others. So many people related stories of the wedding that involved telling me how great so and so was, or how much they laughed sitting at their table. That pleased both Michelle and I greatly.

Thanks to everyone who managed to attend. Lots of love from Michelle and Dirk.

Wisdom from the crowd

We had put little cards on the tables at dinner so people could answer a few questions we came up with. I was surprised how many were filled out. They ranged from heartfelt, to funny, to strange. Here they are though. [Editor's comments in square brackets.]

My favorite part of the wedding was…

• Your wedding vows.
• Their vows.
• Their vows.
• Their vows.
• The cupcakes! – Actually it was the heartfelt vows and speeches. [Those cupcakes were amazing though]
• The ceremony. Beautiful and to the point. – Lisa
• Filling our the little cards.
• The ring in the crotch [see The most embarrassing thing section below...]

To keep your sex life exciting remember…

• Wigs!! – Faye [perhaps the funniest card I read]
• Don’t get married
• Listen and compromise. Ha Ha! [same advise about marriage]
• To keep reliving your first date
• Just keep practicing.
• Shiatsu is more than a message. I am all about the happy finish.
• Drop your ring into your friend’s husband’s crotch. [see The most embarrassing thing section below...]
• To keep having sex!! Just because your married doesn’t mean it’s over
• Please your partner – la-la-la-na-na! [I have only one decent guess as to what this is all about]
• To never say someone else’s name in bed!
• Act like it’s your first time.

The thing I like best about Dirk/Michelle is …

• Their straight teeth.
• Dirk is hilarious… & always happy to see me! Michelle has great fashion sense… & kisses me when she drinks .. and I’m a girl!
• That they are now known by one name apparently: DirkMichelle
• Their ability to compromise and never to back down when you are right!!!
• Always Smiles.
• Their capacity to love unceremoniously, unconditionally, and unequivocally and their lots of fun too!

If I had one piece of advise about marriage it would be …

• Don’t always try to have the last word… except when you are really really sure you are right! – Ilan
• Listen and compromise.
• Don’t ever eat cheezies before performing any trapeze type events. – Dave
• One separate holiday a year (alone time with the girls)
• Always have separate bathrooms!
• Don’t get divorced… on or both of you will lose the BMW.
• Say something nice to each other every day.
• Hug & Kiss everyday.
• Enjoy the bad times as much as the good, they’ll only make it stronger. – Richard
• Communicate!! Talk lots and never shut doors. – Rob

The secret to a great life is…

• To make all your ups and downs in the bedroom… or secluded beach, or hike in the mountain, vineyard, etc.
• Nothing matters outside of the two of you. Keep each other happy. Nothing else matters.
• Have sex everyday (man answer). Footrubs (woman’s answer)
• A good wife. Lots of booze!
• To live it, every moment of it. Appreciate every bit of it. – Danielle
• Demonstrating the power of now! You know what I’m talkin’ about, Willis!
• Laughter. Friendship. Respect. Love.
• Find what you love and focus your energy on that.
• Communicate, love, trust, and be honest to each other. Love you. – Kim

One of the best times I ever had with Dirk/Michelle was…

• Sitting around the campfire at Renee and Dennis’ house – all night. Watching you boys get drunk. – Shan
• Delilah’s [Vancouver restaurant]
• The Amazing Race at the RenDen.
• The Martini Social… Wow… good ones!!!
• Too numerous to mention. Loved the dinners at your house. The ski trip to Fernie (Dirk’s homemade soup) I see a theme here… You both are amazing friends and any time with you is precious for those around you.
• Every time I’ve spent with them. Even though we only had a few encounters you are both VERY fun. Congrats both of you. – Julie
• Working with Michelle at Placer Dome

I think you make a great couple because…

• You know how to make cookies.. and your just simply great together!
• They look nice together.
• Your laughs are equally… entertaining.
• You love each other – That’s all it takes
• That they truly love each other
• Dirk can cook.
• You’re the glue that keeps the friends together. Always giving and caring for your friends.
• You complete each other.

I know a lot of completely useless information. For instance…

• Don’t underestimate chickens that appear in porn… “Poultry Unplucked”!
• Dogs and bees smell fear.
• Use applesauce or yogurt instead of oil in your baking. Maybe NOT in cookies.
• These cards taste bad! [with a corner of the card missing]
• Mich has more shoes than Imelda Marcos

This one time, Dirk / Michelle …

• Flew into SanFran just to see us, and for Scoma’s clam chowda’
• Dirk took my facebook picture (at retro party)
• Got married and incited a riot…
• Was on the bus with the group going to Jasper (Inland) ski trip. I had only worked there for two weeks when Michelle pointed at me and said, “You’re the one who got my office!”. I was a afraid of her from then on.

The most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me went like this…

• When I dropped my ring onto Jaye’s crotch at your wedding.. yeah Dirk, it’s me.. Marie-eve
• I went to a Donna’s concert with Dirk and had a great time. [The unabridged version of that story is a little embarrassing]

All images copyright Lisa Petkau.

ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOU,
GIVE MY LIFE, MY LOVE, MY HEART TO YOU,

ENOUGH TO WANT TO PROTECT YOU,
CARE FOR YOU, GUIDE YOU, HOLD YOU, COMFORT YOU, LISTEN TO YOU, AND CRY WITH YOU,

ENOUGH TO BE SILLY AROUND YOU, NEVER HAVE TO HIDE ANYTHING FROM YOU, AND BE MYSELF WITH YOU,

I LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO SHARE ALL OF MY SENTIMENTS, DREAMS, GOALS, FEARS, HOPES, AND WORRIES WITH YOU,

ENOUGH TO CHERISH YOUR FRIENDSHIP, ADORE YOUR PERSONALITY, RESPECT YOUR VALUES, AND SEE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE,

I LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR YOU, COMPROMISE FOR YOU, AND SACRIFICE MYSELF FOR YOU,

ENOUGH TO BELIEVE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, TO STAND BY IT THROUGH THE WORST OF TIMES, AND TO NEVER GIVE UP ON US,

ENOUGH TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU, BE THERE FOR YOU, WHEN YOU NEED OR WANT ME, I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE YOU, OR LIVE WITHOUT YOU,

I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH.

I was the one to suggest that we write our own vows. Soon after I figured I might have gotten myself in over my head. For one thing I think I may have seriously overestimated the odds of me getting through it without breaking down and bawling like a baby. Also, It’s a pretty fundamental question. What do I say to you on this day. I didn’t really know what the right thing would be.

I was thinking about this when I realized I’m pretty lucky you are standing here at all. I’m not the easiest person in the world to live with. What little patience I have can be expended in a moment and then I hurt your feelings. I’m really easy going right up until I’m not, and then I’m really stubborn about the stupidest things. I have trouble telling you how I feel and so am prone to bouts of sulking like a child. Not to mention that you are a very neat and organized person and those are not words you would immediately use to describe me. The more I thought about these things the more I started to wonder if this was really in your best interest. I also discovered that I knew what I wanted to say.

You agreed to stand here today because of some of my personality traits, which you love, and despite a pile of others.

I promise to work on all of the things that define me every day. So the things you love me for, and the things you love me despite will get better. I promise to try and be a better man every day.

I love you.

You’re my girl.

So, my dad called the other night and asked the same question that seems to be on everyone mind: ‘How is married life?’ It really isn’t much different, I still pick up after Dirk.