Michelle Britton

As most of you know, Dirk and I have been living on Vancouver Island for the past year. This island is full of beauty that at times, takes my breath away. The ocean is only two blocks from our home, and across the water a short distance is the majestic mountains.

While driving over one mountain to my inlaws home for dinner, I notice the sign that stated ‘Salmon Run’. I have heard how amazing this event was, I promply told my husband we needed to stop. This event really pointed out that I am a complete city girl and had no clue what it really was.

It started out okay – seeing the salmon swimming and frolicking in the shallow slow moving water. I then started to notice a dead salmon here or there. We walked a little further, and two more dead salmon, then another and another. WTF, I think. Then the smell started to bother me. Dirk then states: “Hey, look at that one, he is settling in to die.” WTF, I think again.

So here is the thing: The males fight for the right to fertilize the female eggs. The females batter their bodies as they dig holes to lay eggs. After they are spent, their carcasses lie rotting along the riverbanks, providing food for scavenging birds and bears.

Yeah, apparently they all drink kool-aid after sex rather then just have a healthy cigarette.

Since moving to the coast, I have had my eyes opened to ‘Canada’a Worst Drivers’. I am sure the idea was born out here. I have seen a few amazing driving techniques that will I will share:

One of the first things I noticed after we arrived in Vancouver, was honking. People like to honk out here – maybe that is there way of a saying ‘Hi’. I mean, it was always a friendly double little ‘honk-honk’. After further observation I noted this not a friendly ‘hello’ but pure stupidity. This double honk is the drivers way of stating “I am not stopping at this red light but flying through so look out!!”

They also have no regards for people in the cross-walks. You are more of a moving obstacle for them, a challenge to get around. You could be halfway through the cross walk and they will cut you off to get where they are going. Maybe it is an emergency and I am just being to hard on these people.

Word of caution when in Victoria, drivers do not always look where they are going. If it wasn’t for Dirk’s quick hand – I would have been a hood ornament the other night. The driver never look our way at all – she never saw us even when she proceeded through the intersection. We now pause longer then usual before crossing.

Stop signs are optional. There is no taking turns – why, that would make too much sense. If the person in front of you has stopped at the sign – you have stopped. You don’t let others go, you just go when the car in front of you goes. To make sure everyone knows they are the idiots and not you – honk and give the finger. It is a more effective approach.

At least once a week I see something that puzzles me as to what is going on. Yesterday I was driving to a meeting when I notice no less then 10 cops all around 2 radar guns. So how many police does it take to read a radar gun? WTF.

The island experienced a power outage on Sunday night, just as we ordered pizza for dinner. Good thing we were not cooking Thanksgiving dinner like several of the neighbours, they were colourfully upset. It was a longer then normal outage that lasted about an hour. It was wide spread, from Victoria to Ladysmith. At one point Dirk had me call over to Vancouver to check how far the outage was covering, I think he was predicting something bigger then it was. Barry was home in with the kids and assured us they had power.

As I was lighting the candles, it triggered a funny scene in Dexter. Not that there are many funny scenes in a series about a CSI serial killer. In this one scene Dexter is having a romantic moment (okay he was screwing this hot brit) when his sister enters his bedroom, there is a good 100 candles burning and exclaims: ‘Dex are you trying to fuck her or light her on fire!!’