I am pretty sure there are a few things about flying that drives everyone crazy.  While traveling with Dirk’s dad and wife, she mentioned that she couldn’t understand why people stand in the aisle, blocking everyone, as they riffle their bag looking for their book, folding their coat, and just overly having no common sense to move the hell out of the way.  Can they not see us all lined up? Are they not listening to the crew telling them to step out of the aisle an let everyone pass?

Then there are the seat pullers. These are the one that get me going. You know the ones, they can’t get in or out of their seats with say, the use of their legs, but need to pull the shit out of the seat in front of them. They give deep long forceful tugs on your seat either startling you awake, pulling your hair, or spilling your drink. Then when they return, it is the same thing, again the inability to sit using their legs and a few core muscles – just yank on that chair and piss the person off in front of you – good plan.

Traveling families. Don’t get me wrong, I understand you are also on vacation and at times traveling with your children leaves you wanting to shove them into the overhead compartment. Its the kids that kick my seat and are not told to stop. These are the parents that I want to smack up the back of the head and just yell. “”Really? Am I the one that has to turn around and tell your kid to stop?”” Because if you know me at all, I will and I have.

What about the sprinters? Why do you need to stand before the seatbelt sign is off, grab your bag and bolt to the front of the plane? Where do you thinking you are actually going? And ramming your bag into my heals to hurry up my standing still is not cool. Look around at the other 95% of us that are just standing, patiently, waiting for our rows turn to exit.

Finally, the dreaded baggage carousel. Did you know that some countries are now painting lines around the carousel about 1 meter away?  Do you know why? This is to indicated you should not stand within 1 meter of the carousel, nor should you have a baggage cart shoved up right against it as well. Do you see us standing back? No, that is not for you to walk in front of us standing at a respectable distance from the carousel, that’s just rude. It is easier to stand back and allow each other to step forward and grab our bags. Having to wrestle the bag off the carousel is already a challenge, but adding you as another obstacle just pisses us off. Stand the hell back.

Whew, glad I got that off my chest.

Over the last year, Dirk and I have had a few very close calls getting to the airport just in time to board the plane. You would think that travelling for the year, this would not occur since it is the only item on our agenda.

The night before we left Malaysia, I checked the time to get to the airport. It was 27 minutes. Quick calculation: time to airport plus extra time for traffic plus time to have breakfast at the airport equals time to be in car. This formula will fail you every time if you don’t factor in the time for traffic properly. This is also the part of the calculation that is the most tricky, as you have no clue about traffic in any foreign city. So, while sitting in a grid lock of traffic, I express my concern to Dirk as the Uber monitor tells us we will arrive to the airport 15 minutes before we are to take off. This is not good at all. We mention this to the driver, who then tries his best to get us there, but there is really nothing he can do. By some miracle we arrive, run directly to security without checking the bags, after a few moments of grabbing items out of Dirks bag (knife, scissors), we dash to gate. A brief lecture about our late arrival, we are seated an on our way to Cambodia.

This was a lesson to remember, but why does it happen again? Why can’t we get the ‘consider traffic’ part of the formula correct?

In Bangkok we decided to head to the airport 3 hours before the flight. Plenty of time to relax for a bite to eat prior to boarding. Again, sitting in traffic, we look at each other and explain to the Uber driver about the flight. His solution was more exciting and would rival the best leg of any Amazing Race. We jumped out of the car, jumped on two scooters and had the drivers take us to the train. Weaving in and out of traffic, no helmets, while trying not to flip backwards off the bikes. Three trains later, we arrive at the airport with no time to spare. But, we can’t find our checkin desk. Both of us are asking anyone that would listen, but there are no signs. Finally, some lady standing at a unsigned desk asks Dirk if this is our names on boarding passes. Yes, another miracle, they are waiting for us. They give us express passes through customs and security. Again, no time to eat, just right to the gate.

As we stand at the gate sweating, I think to myself, why can these two fairly smart individuals figure this shit out!!

For as long as I can remember my mom has been on a diet. When I think back to all her attempts, whether successful or not, it is the latest diet fad. Cabbage Soup, Lemon Water & Cayenne Pepper, Cinch, 30 Day Juice Cleanse, Atkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers. The list goes on and on.

After traveling through Asia for three months, you see a lot of poverty. But you also see a fair amount of great food, grown naturally, and sold at open markets. The overweight people are few and far between.

I am not sure if this is what lead to our recent game with friends, but while sitting at a restaurant I ask, ‘If you had total control over the planet, what is the first thing you would do?’

This took some thinking on everyone’s part, I mean the world is so fucked up, where do you start. I decided I would feed the world, ensuring no chemicals, steroids, or genetic modifications were made. Just good old carrots from the garden like when I was a kid.

I am not sure if this thought was linked to our travels or advertisements I had recently seen on the internet. Twice in the last week, ads have popped up stating that the secret to dieting is to stop dieting and just eliminate foods that are bad for you. Makes sense to me, and I would think it would make sense to many of you.

So I decided to explore the 5 dangerous foods that has our waistlines growing. I have to admit a few of the items I never saw coming.

First was Orange Juice. You know the drink everyone has been having forever to get your vitamins. Orange juice is a processed food, for that matter, all concentrated juices are processed.  That means they remove the fibre and leave the sugar behind in the concentration process. Think about it, fresh fruit only lasts a few days, so buying juices that can last months on the shelf is not good for you. Foods that are processed should never be consumed as they have chemicals added to extend their life and your waistline.

Second was Margarine. I am sure I don’t even need to talk about that at all. We all have heard of trans fats and how they use hydrogen to change liquid vegetable oil into a solid. Some countries have gone as far as to ban the use of trans fats in foods, including restaurants. As you guessed, these are not countries in North America. Always remember that butter is better and is know to help burn fat during the day.

Third was Whole Wheat Bread. Surprised? I was, but whole wheat, or for that matter, whole grain, is still processed. They are milled in such a way that the nutrients are removed. Then they must be fortified. They do have more nutrients than white – but barely. So now you need to change your shopping and look for Sprouted Whole Grain breads.

Fourth was Refined Soy. The fad that soy is better for you has taken a turn for the worst. Companies are now processing soy, that means changing its chemical make up to ensure it last longer. Soy milk, milk and almond milk don’t last if produced naturally. Usually their life is only 24 to 48 hours. Manufacturing plants have additives placed in these to extend the life. These chemicals are passed to us. I keep mine in a nice little roll around my waistline.

Fifth was GM Corn. This one stumped me, but apparently it means Genetically Modified Corn. This was done to fatten the live stock it was fed to, and you guessed it, we are part of that live stock. This corn is then used in many other foods, so it is the product that just keeps giving.

It went on to talk about things most of us know. Like, if you don’t eat three meals a day, your body starts to save fat. Not knowing when your body gets to eat next, it starts to hoard fat like a squirrel hoarding nuts for winter. That is why heathy snacks during the day are good for you. It is recommended to have a banana since the higher natural sugar will help burn more fat.

What I loved best about this eye opening list was the end of the informative video or like I called it ‘ad’. This was just the beginning, if you signed up with them, for a fee, they would plan your meals for you. Ensuring you got all the foods you love to eat, with exception of the five listed, and watch the pounds melt away.

So, in the end, the new diet is not dieting, but eliminating these foods that are bad for you. Signing up to get help with your meal planning and the shopping lists to make these foods, plus updates on how to keep the weight off. There was also a support group to talk with success stories and encourage you to stay on track to lose pounds.

Hmmm, does this not sound like a diet to you? What do you think?

For those that are interested in these Non Diets, here are two links. Beyond Diet OR Trim Down Club.