Clown Tears….

It has been 12 days, 65 pantie liners, 33 Heparin Shots, 136 Vitamins and Supplements, 100 Estrace Pills, 133 Prometrium Pills, and 10 Antibiotics Pills since the embryo transfer.  Today, the  alarm clock rings at 8 am and I hit snooze. I am nervous about going to get my blood test as I have a strong feeling we are going to get another  ‘No’.  The lady at the lab wishes me luck and tells me she hopes to see me soon.  This makes me sad – I know in my heart this did not work for us. I feel like crying already.

This is our third attempt, and again it is different from the first two rounds. The first round, I felt completely nothing until the day of the pregnancy test when my boobs started to hurt. The second round, I had many symptoms: sore boobs, nausea, cramping. This round I have only had a lot of cramping, even in the last two days. My period is coming and that is really disappointing.

The morning is spent trying to lose myself in my work, but my mind always comes back to the sad thought of not being pregnant and starting over again. The clock ticks by slowly, it is now the late afternoon.  ‘When are they going to phone?’  – keeps going through my head. The phone rings – we both jumped. The news is what we expected. My eyes tear up immediately, they confirmed my suspicions and it hurts.

We are not pregnant.

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