We are in the midst of our FET protocol and it really does not feel like a real IVF round. I know that sounds lame – but we were going to the clinic almost daily, had a gamut of injections and pills to take, plus a surgical procedure to recover from.

This time we are only doing one shot each evening to suppress ovulation. I have to admit – we keep forgetting about the shot – the other night I was laying in bed – sat up and exclaimed ‘Shit the shot!’

I feel guilty about not being more attentive: is it because I am less stressed – less caring – even expecting it to work. If this is the roller coaster of feelings I am having now, I am afraid for Dirk when I am actually pregnant.